Soles

I have never felt so forced to sit down and write as I do at this moment. Usually, my journals (of the paper variety) fill up quickly and my thoughts are easily sorted, organized and ready to be shared. This year is off to a very "forced" start, if that even makes sense. I'm not normally a person easily swayed or discouraged, yet I have felt discouraged in the one outlet that has always brought me a sense of completion and peace.

Change. CHANGE. change. c-h-a-n-g-e. No matter how it looks on paper, or a computer screen it still means that very same thing. Change is normal, inevitable, even necessary. Sometimes we have to change because of others' actions or decisions; other times we choose it, embracing it each step of the way. We walk, stumble, get up, stand tall, continue on...pressing forward. I am the woman who can stand, walk and not falter.  I feel as if I have fasted, prayed, persevered over the last ten years and even still...change presents itself and I can easily embrace it.  Jeesh, sometimes I even thrive on it!  I love a challenge, an opportunity to plot, plan and execute. Today, I am wondering what is wrong with me.  Is it because my heartstrings are weary?  Do they no longer hold me to everything that I have worked so diligently to protect?  Or are they just uneven, at different lengths than previously known, causing an awkward, adolescent pause for a few brief moments?

I see and know what needs to be changed and I want to put on my running shoes and take off towards a new goal, a new challenge.  I feel smothered, stepped on, held under water against my will.  The more I stretch, trying to work out the kinks, the longer I am needing to hold my breath and crouch in defense.  For the first time in a very long time, change is not synonymous with shared goals, values, even just plain thoughts. Haven't we learned from the past that life is too precious, too short, taken against our plans before we are done with them?  If so, then why wont my feet fit into my shoes and take me away to safety, to happiness, to truth?   

Its my desire to have peace, love and happiness and to be able to share that with my husband, my family and my friends. Sometimes what we "want" doesn't actually coincide with what we "need" or what our intuition tells us, and that is scary. Really frightening.  But, Change is on the Horizon and another journey it will be. 

I hope that my soles can support my soul.

Until again,
~Red

Goodbye, Stress and 2010

The year is coming to an end. Finally. Goodbye 2010, hello 2011. It seems cliche that we become so reflective at the end of each calendar year, when in fact the reflection should take place each and every day. As this year comes to a much-welcomed close, I am reflecting upon lessons learned, lessons taught, lessons observed and how change is sometimes just what one needs. Like a freshly washed blackboard on the first day of school, the trees budding in the spring...a clean slate and a fresh start.

A year ago this week, we began what has turned out to be a very long journey to begin our family.  Due to circumstances beyond our control and way too much stress in our daily lives, our first cycle of IVF failed. Looking back, it was a foolish decision to choose that time in our lives to try to have a baby...and that decision has been made a few times since. Each time, it ends in heartbreak...whether by miscarriage or cycle failure....either way, its another step towards a door that is slowly closing in our futures.  So, one of the biggest lessons that we have both learned is that stress is damaging. Research proves that it is harmful to our bodies in so many ways...cancer-causing, stroke-inducing, obesity, depression...stress is a common denominator. However, we have also learned that managing stress and the influences surrounding us (jobs, family, infertility, friends, etc) is really important. And, it is acceptable to, after putting God first, to put our marriage in a close second...for this is what the Bible instructs us to do.  When each day is done I know that I have at least one constant that I can depend on, and that is my husband. Friends come and go (the true ones stick around), family is a constant ebb and flow of change and discord, careers take on new directions, we move to new places...but we always have one another, and in that there is great contentment, only found after much grief and turmoil and trial and error. So, the lesson has been learned and will be under very close management in the future.

In making the move back to Chicago, we said farewell to jobs that we loved and great friends that were made while in Dallas. If the last four months are any indication to "lifetime" friendships, then I am confident in saying that some of the best friends we've been lucky enough to know have been from relationships that began in Texas. (See, Texas was good for something!)  Although its wonderful to be home, where our heartstrings have been pulling us for quite some time, it has not happened without turmoil and...you guessed it...stress.  Luckily, we have a very close core group of loved ones that have kept us focused, serious and sane. Well, and we've had a little bit of fun along the way, too. :)  Scott has a wonderful position in a very popular restaurant with tons of room for upward growth and I am on the brink of a position that I have been searching for since I arrived. Good things come to those who patiently wait (Thanks again, Dad!), and our waiting has allowed each of us the time to reflect upon the past and plan for the future. 

In creating a new life (both baby-speak and collectively), we are going to say goodbye to some of the social outlets that have created unnecessary issues while we focus on expanding our family. I will still check Facebook periodically, but for privacy reasons none of our news will be public knowledge.  My body is working very diligently for me and I am choosing to protect every moment of each day; selfish, some may say, but a choice that has been a long time coming.  Health, happiness and well being are at the top of the list of goals for 2011.  So, goodbye chaos & stress and misread, manipulated words and status updates.  Hello, Peace and Grace. We've been waiting a long time for you!

We are excited for what lies ahead and thankful for a daily dose of hope and love, tempered with a bit of patience and the desire to endure.  This next chapter of life will be an exciting one; carefully protected, tenderly loved. Blogging will continue, but in a different capacity. More humor, less personal.  My novel writing can finally resume, bread baking for fun and not stress relief will happen, and yoga is once again for an inward peace and outward release.  Email and phone calls are welcomed! Facebooking is not.

Have a safe and blessed Christmas and wishing much love, peace and joy in the new year.

Until again,
~Red

Should or Should Not?

My husband has a close Christian friend whom he regularly chats with about life's road and travels. Recently this gentleman shared a phrase with Scott that reads, "I will not SHOULD on myself today." He even gave him an 8x10 printout and Scott put it on his dresser the day he brought it home, and there it still sits. When I first looked at it, I couldn't comprehend what it actually meant. It was frustrating! I am usually fairly quick at deciphering the meaning of words and this little phrase followed me around for days and days, creeping into my thoughts repeatedly. When I finally concluded what this one small phrase could encompass, it was as if a light bulb turned on above my head....it all fell into place.

Life isn't about knocking ourselves out on a daily basis at the expense of our sanity and health. It's not about all work and no play, nor sacrificing what is important to us on an individual basis. It's not about compromising our values and our core being just because someone else may disagree with what we are doing or about to do. What this little phrase has said to me, in the midst of a major debate and huge decision, is that I don't have to go to bed at night and think about all of the things that I SHOULD have said, SHOULD have done, SHOULD do tomorrow. I am responsible for my thoughts and actions, and selfish as some may think, there is no reason that I SHOULD feel guilty for decisions that are in the process of being made.

If you know me well, then you know of my giving nature, my tendency to do for others long before I do something for myself. You know that I love with everything that I have and trust even the most untrustworthy. My heart is often much larger than my head and sometimes my willingness to forgive and love gets in the way of common sense and sound decisions. I have been blessed enough to experience very difficult situations in my 35 years (death, infidelity, divorce, sudden death, infertility, etc) and have in turn been able to use my knowledge to help others who have also walked a similar path. In sharing some of my experience, the hurt luckily doesn't surface as quickly as it used to and I do feel very, very blessed to be able to counsel others, even if in just a small way. Unfortunately, I do battle with the Shoulds and Should Nots, because even with the best intentions, we are all human...and even with solicitations for advice, knowledge and counsel, my words and actions have been misinterpreted and manipulated, leaving me to question myself....Should I have just been quiet? Didn't God allow me to deeply learn from my life so far in order to share it with others? Where is the fine line? And, most recently (thanks, Scottie, for your little poster on the dresser), how do I live each day and not SHOULD on myself?

I had to make a very difficult decision recently that was one of the most scary and just downright hard things I have had to do. I had to decide to stand strong, stand firm and stand tall, even when all I wanted to do was pull the covers over my head and not continuously worry and fear the person and situation that I was in the midst of. It was difficult, to say the least. And, you know me well if you are actually reading this...you know that I had to totally fake it. I am not a bold person with a big personality. I love, I give, I pray...I don't stand up to bullies, but I do pray for their hearts and minds. So, in taking my stance it snowballed into a sudden state of unemployment, by my own choice. Should I have done this? I wish I could say that I am resting easy with the choice and situation, but I am not. I am sad, hurting and confused. I miss my work family (minus the bully) and my doctor, who is also a good friend. So, that little poster is haunting my thoughts...and I am having an issue with my decision, still unsure of my own actions and reactions and contemplating this fork in the Road of Life.

How do we rest peacefully and easily with our choices? If we have prayed about it, contemplated it, talked to others who often give sound advice, how can we sit back and wonder...Should I fix this (and how????)? Should I have just let it go, let it continue, trust in the fact that God will protect me? (Again, how??????)

I am not sure if I made the right choice. I did step out of the chaos and back into what I had hoped would be peace. But, I don't feel peaceful. I feel sad.

Until again,
~Red

Cheaper by the Dozen

Well, even though my blog is still under construction and I am trying my best to reorganize my page and all of the links, pictures, etc that are displayed, I really need to post an update today for friends and family to become informed as to what is currently going on.

Most of you know that Scott and I began our journey towards our future family a few weeks ago. I have been doing injections at home in order to prepare my body and my eggs for an egg retrieval later this week, which means that my eggs would be taken, fertilized by Scott's sperm, incubated for 5 days in the lab and then the embryos are transferred back into their rightful home, my uterus.

Yesterday was Day 10 of stimulation meds and another ultrasound with bloodwork. I have been going to our clinic every other day for almost two weeks and have been giving myself shots since December 11. My doctor has been out of town for a few weeks (which we just learned as of yesterday morning) and apparently my medication dose was not as high as it should have been in order to facilitate the making of mature and retrieval-ready eggs for Wednesday's appointment. In a nutshell, our cycle has been canceled and I don't really have any further information at this moment in time. I will follow up with my doctor on Friday morning and hope to have a new (and better monitored) plan after that time and will keep everyone in the loop.

On a positive note, I can finally take the necessary medications to kick this sinus/head/chest cold! Acupuncture will also resume as of Friday and will continue to be an active part of our Fertility Game Plan.

Please continue your prayers for both Scott and I as we endure this journey together. We are hopeful and prayerful...this will not set us back emotionally or physically....if anything, it allows us time to continue to prepare our bodies and minds for what is next to come.

Until again,
~Red

A Little Bit of Home

Chilly weather, cloudy skies, football weekends...in our great search for a taste of home, we came up empty handed, which at this point is never much of a surprise to us while we are residents of this lovely state. In an effort to scare away another random bout of homesickness for both of us, I pulled out my old tried and true recipes and voila....Chicago Style Italian Beef will be enjoyed as our dinner this evening. I've had many requests for this recipe, so it is listed below for your culinary enjoyment. :)

CHICAGO STYLE ITALIAN BEEF Christine Anderson

4-5 pound Beef roast Bottom round or Eye of round
2-3 large yellow or sweet onions, thinly sliced
4-6 green peppers, thinly sliced

In large pan, pour a few tablespoons of olive or canola oil.
Place roast in pan, turn to generously coat meat.
Season with salt, pepper, Italian Seasoning (Oregano, Parsley, Basil).
Sear meat at Medium-High heat on all sides.
Remove from heat. Add 1 cup Beef Broth.

Roast meat at 300 degrees for 30 mins.
Decrease temperature to 275 degrees. Calculate roasting time by multiplying each
pound of meat times 30 minutes. (3 pound roast = 1.5 hours).
Halfway through roasting time, turn meat over.
Continue to roast; Meat should be fork-tender.
Refrigerate overnight in roasting pan, saving juices, for best results.


Remove meat from roasting pan.
Remove fat from top of juices and discard. Add liquid to crockpot.
Thinly slice all meat and place in crockpot.
Add approximately 3 c. beef broth to top of meat.
Most of meat should be in liquid. Add water if necessary. (This will depend on size
of roasts). I usually use one 32 oz. box of salt-free Beef Broth for a 4 pound roast.
Place sliced onions and sliced green peppers on top of meat/broth mixture. Cover.
Cook on Low for at least 6 hours. If possible, stir halfway through cooking time.


Serve with giardinera, jalapenos, banana peppers, etc. Mixture freezes well and can
be reheated on the stove top or crockpot.
Enjoy!

Until again,
~Red

"In Due Time"

Summer and excessive heat have given way to cloudy skies, 70 degree temps and a brisk feeling in the air. If I take a few deep, cleansing breaths and really concentrate, I might talk myself into smelling a bonfire off in the distance and imagine myself in a fleece and mittens. :) The fall weather is making me want to do Spring Cleaning! Texas has proven itself to us the past 14 months to be a place of new beginnings, new friends and jobs, unexpected closeness and solid relationships with family and many surprising twists and turns on this road trip. We know that our future, wherever it may be, will hold our new friends close to our hearts and in our lives in some capacity.


Now that the chaos of the past six months seems to be lifting and dissipating, Scott and I are about to begin yet another new journey together. Some of our "travels" have led us astray from the one commonality that we have shared from the beginning -- our deep love of the city --yet the recent detours have been educational, eye-opening and inspiring. Thankful for one another at the beginning and end of each day and feeling blessed in our lives, we have decided that this journey is about to take a turn on our Life Road. With few regrets about our time in the Land of Cowboy Love, the time has come to ponder what the future has in store.



Will it lead us back to the Windy City? Will this little family unit expand? Will our roots continue to extend into the earth here in Dallas County? Will my book be published? Will Scott go to culinary school? Will I go to dental school? Will a new puppy join us? Perhaps a kitty? An adopted child? All possibilities that could have a happy ending. In the words of my father, "Good things come to those who wait." If waiting is to teach patience, then please know that we breathe and bleed patience and understanding, all in hopes of gaining wisdom and the ability to persevere in any and every situation and circumstance.



We know. We have a plan. In due time, and in both small and grand doses, we will begin to share what is happening.

Stay tuned.

Until again,
~Red

Moving to Texas

My best friend's husband emailed me something very funny today titled, "Moving to Texas". Before opening his email, I briefly pondered what on earth his email could or would be about, as I definitely know that they are not planning on moving here! (Who would....its too damn hot all of the time?????). I don't know where this email originated, but I laughed so hard all the way through to the end and couldn't resist sharing it here. Whoever did write this has brilliantly described how I feel on a daily basis living in this hot, dry, awful state. So, please read on. Enjoy. Laugh and think of me. Sweating. Butt stuck to my leather seats. Scott stealing all of our hand towels to mop himself with while driving to work, sweating in the heat. Living in Texas has many positives, but not during the months of June, July, August or September. Comments?

Until again,

~Red

Dear Diary, Just moved to Texas ! Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here. June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper. June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here. July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected. July 15th: Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this. July 20th: I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again. July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts. July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here? Aug. 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state. Aug. 8th: If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!! Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, my ass caught fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs. . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat. Aug 10th: I’m convinced now that the weather report is a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do Shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat. Aug. 14th: Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas . What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?? Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.

Dreaming in (John Deere) Green

I don't dream in black and white. I dream in Green. Specifically John Deere Green. This could be the richness of a well maintained lawn or a spiffy new John Deere rider with a bright yellow seat, made just for me. Yes, that's my dream ride. :)

It wasn't but about one year ago that I wrote a blog about living in Chicago, on the verge of making a huge decision that would change our paths in life, that I began to think of life outside of the Chicago city limits. I would take Sebastian for long walks around our yuppified neighborhood and come home, full of ideas and rants & raves on the latest happenings of my too-rich-for-their-own-good neighbors. From Land Rovers blocking my parking space to snotty kids cutting in front of me at Sweet Mandy B's, they provided quite a bit of entertainment that went unwritten (but brought me quite a few internal chuckles all the same!). I once blogged about a woman that lived down the street from us that could often be seen cutting her front lawn with scissors. Seriously, like kitchen shears. I thought she was a nut job at the time, but...

A few weeks ago, I walked out my back door in Texas~yes, hot-as-hell-in-what-should be springtime Texas~and was so discouraged as I tossed off my flip flops to put my bare feet in the grass. Anyone that knows me well knows of both my shoe fetish and my dislike of actually wearing shoes. For 34 years, each spring, I wait...no, I dream, about that day in which I can open all of the windows and run outside, daring to peel off my socks and shoes and set foot in the carpet of my lawn. Ha. This year the joke was definitely on me, for many reasons (and I can't even remember the last time a pair of socks graced my feet...). Let's just say that grass in Texas is NOT THE SAME as any grass I have ever encountered. It resembles thick, pointy brownish-green blades of Foot Cutting Death. Seriously. You can't walk barefoot in this stuff. Ever. Not in spring. Not in fall. Give me a bed of sharp nails, they'd probably hurt less than the lawn I am currently tending and tip-toeing around in. Sebastian has to be coaxed off of the patio to walk five feet to lift his leg on a tree...coaxed is a kind phrase...I usually have to chase him off and say every "hot button" word I know to excite him (Papa, bath, bye bye, birdies, bunnies, squirrels, Daddy)to even get the dog to go in the grass and pee. There must be something terribly wrong with my lawn if the dog doesn't even want to use it!

In great disgust and for lack of knowing what to do to make this yard of ours at least pleasing to our eyes if not to our feet, I called upon the Great Grass God for his expertise, advice and well, damn it, I needed his help. My dad, the GGG (Great Grass God), listened and asked a few questions, and carefully reminded me that this grass will never be as I want it to be, it is North Texas after all. I'm stubborn and I don't want to hear that!!!! I NEED to walk across the yard barefoot, to feel the softness between my toes....Dad, Help Me! Okay, Okay, he finally gave in and offered a few pointers (rake, seed, water, patience, fertilize, water, water, water) and I am following them to his exact instruction. I have internally giggled my way across the backyard with my memories of the crazy lady in Lincoln Park that literally would cut her front patch of lawn with kitchen shears...for I, too, have utilized my own kitchen shears in my backyard. I know, chuckle away...I used them for an area that the rake couldn't handle. :)

Currently, I have spotted signs of teeny, tiny blades of green grass pushing through the brown life that surrounds them, reaching for more water and more sunshine. I have carefully planted, fertilized, watered and watched. If I am sitting really still in the evening on my patio, beer and/or wine in hand, I swear I can hear it growing. At least, that's what the GGG (aka, my Dad) says I should be able to hear. Maybe its the wine. Maybe its my genes. I am determined to have a luscious, velvety and green lawn before this summer ends. I am my father's daughter after all.

If it doesn't work, well, then I guess we will have to pack up and leave the land of Cowboy Love in search of greener lawns. :)

Until again,
Red


In reference to above pictures:
Top photo: My dad's blissfully green, velvety soft lawn in Liberty, MO.
Middle photo: My backyard, Coppell, TX (ducks are just visiting)
Lower photo: GGG, aka: My Daddy

Goodbye, My Sweet Friend

For those of you who have held my dear friend, Annette, in prayer and who have lovingly followed along in her journey at my side...Annette passed away this morning and went to be with her Heavenly Father. Her suffering is no more and she is once again whole and healed, and undoubtedly in Heaven dancing at the feet of Jesus.

I ask that you continue to keep her husband, Scott, and their four children and the entire family and community that has spent so much time in caring for this remarkable woman in your prayers during the upcoming days, weeks and months ahead. Her memorial service is not until next Monday and Tuesday, and it will be a few weeks before the realization sets in and they begin their lives without their wife, mother, daughter, cousin and friend.

Thankful are we that her suffering has peacefully ended. Grateful are we for sharing in the love and inspiration of Annette and her sweet spirit. May the Lord bring each person grieving this loss much grace and understanding, for we know that our Annette would have wanted us to rejoice, smile and hug one another in celebration of her life.

Blessings to you.
C

SisterChicks

SisterChicks...

Those of you close to me know that my dear friend, Annette Roix, has been enduring the diagnosis and treatment of Stage 4 Renal Carcinoma for quite some time. She has an established blog that, until recently, was updated mostly by herself and now by her cousin/friend/Pastor, John Nordstrom. (http://updateonnette.blogspot.com) I have been blessed to have known both John and Annette, along with her family for about 4.5 years. A few days ago, John posted an update on Annette's health and status and also a request for comments and stories that will eventually be compiled into a Memory Book for her husband, Scott, and their four children. Below, I have pasted my contribution and also felt the need to share it within this realm as well. Before moving on to my comment, I need to elaborate. Below, before my actual comment for the Memory Book, are my personal thoughts.

As we all know, people do come into and leave an imprint on our lives. Sometimes we are blessed to have them around for many, many years and other times, we feel as if our time together has been short-changed. Annette came into my life so unexpectedly, yet as I reflect upon that particular time period, I see that it really wasn't so unexpected after all. God had His gracious hand upon both of us, and those surrounding us, and led us directly to one another. In the midst of great sadness and confusion, Annette taught me to love and be loved, to stand tall even when I didn't want to at all, and most importantly...she taught me to fully trust in God. She gave me a book entitled, "Grace Walk", and we fervently studied it together. These lessons are those that I carry with me each day as I walk forward as gracefully as possible.

The deck of cards for my life thus far have not always ended up with a Royal Flush; in fact, many times I wanted to flush my dealt hand right down the toilet, because all I had left to say was "I'm folding". During the darkest of dark times, I cried out to God, and on Annette's shoulder, to just find peace. And guess what...God provided peace. Abundant Peace. And, Forgiveness. Through life changing events, my brother's unexpected loss and too many happy & blessed times to list...Annette's teaching ways and generous spirit have always been with me.

During this bleak time of Annette's life, when it doesn't appear that God will grant the miracle we have all been praying for, I have to remember to do as Annette taught me: Give it to God. He's the only one that can take our burdens, fears and disappointments and carry the burden for us. I am heartbroken to be on the verge of losing my dear friend, but am finding much comfort in knowing that this, too, is all part of the Master Plan. God will allow grief, but in the grief we will also find the comfort and peace that only He can bring. In Abundance, with Grace. Just as Annette taught me and predicted it would be.


THIS IS MY COMMENT THAT IS CURRENTLY POSTED ON ANNETTE'S BLOG AND WILL (HOPEFULLY) BE USED AS PART OF A MEMORY BOOK FOR HER HUSBAND AND FOUR CHILDREN....

Tales From a Redhead in the City... said...

I met Annette and her family in early 2004 at a financial seminar that Christ Community Church was hosting. Annette and Scott were seated a few tables away from where I was sitting, and in the midst of learning and listening, Annette's bright eyes made contact with mine. As soon as the seminar ended, she approached me with a warm welcome, a friendly hug and her pretty smile. I knew that she was someone special before we ever exchanged words! What everyone else has been saying...to know Annette is to love and be loved, and that is so very true.

A day or two passed and my phone rang. Annette was at the other end of the line, wondering if I would like to get together. Little did she know at the time, I was experiencing the end of my marriage, the loss of a baby and feeling generally alienated from those that I normally had surrounding me. I was hesitant, but then remembered Annette's gentle hug over her big, pregnant belly and I couldn't say no. She welcomed me into her life and the lives of her family, invited me to church, introduced me to a wonderful group of women who immediately embraced me into their latest book discussion (in which Annette so graciously shared a copy of the book), had me at her dinner table, in her car running errands, visiting her when Zachary was born...the list goes on. In a few short months, Annette, Scott and friends (you know who you are!) gently led me to laughter, friendship, purpose and love. Annette and Scott together...what an inspirational team!

As time passed and I moved away, Annette's friendship never ceased. Encouraging emails and phone calls were there to remind me not only of Annette's unconditional love, but also of God's. During a time of my life where I continuously cried out to the Lord for guidance and answers, he led me to Annette and it was in our friendship that I learned how to strive to be a Godly woman and live a life full of grace and forgiveness.

I regret the amount of time that passed and how busy life sometimes becomes for all of us and we sometimes forget to just pick up the phone and call those that we love. We take for granted that our time here on Earth is limitless and that we will always have time to do all of the things on our lists...if we must endure this marathon that we are all sharing in with Annette and her loving family, then we must also be sure to stop for a quiet moment to pray and give thanks. Perhaps it will be thanks for a miraculous healing, thanks for ultimate understanding, peace and comfort, and thanks for being as blessed as we each have been by our dear, sweet friend. We must remember the Lord's love, patience, endurance and grace that we have witnessed by being a part of Annette's life.

Even though we have not seen one another for a good amount of time, I will never, ever forget the very moment that I was blessed enough to become Annette's friend. We are praying for you and your family constantly and hoping that your miracle will soon arrive. I love you my SisterChick book-loving friend!

Blessings,
Christy (English) Anderson

April 4, 2009 2:38 PM

March Madness

March Madness...

Yes, its that time of year again. March, a time to welcome spring and look for the peeking daffodils, dodge rainstorms and deal with the onset of spring fever...March Madness....also a time for basketball, spring cleaning and more resolutions. Come on sunshine, go away rain. Prepare the way for greener grasses, thriving gardens and bountiful fresh flowers.

March Madness...
When unpacking, I uncovered several journal entries that I meant to post but didn't take the time to do so. Time moves forward with a speed that I sometimes can't keep up with. So, in the renewing energy of spring I vow to my loyal readers that there are some pretty damn funny blogs about to appear for your enjoyment. Texas, Family, Work, Moving...all have provided lots of material (some certainly more than others) and its coming soon. Very soon.

March Madness...
Beautiful Springtime. Overwhelming Clouds. There is most definitely a madness associated with spring. Perhaps basketball. Perhaps the quest to start anew, as a bulb pushes through the newly thawed dirt and reaches for the sunshine. Maybe watching a lightening storm from a darkened room as it electrifies the night sky. Either way, share your March Madness with me, please. :) This year has already proven to be the most interesting....so far....

Until again,
Red

Home...

As I write this, I should be packing for our first road trip out of the Lone Star State. Mounds of laundry surround me, rain is slamming against our windows, and Sebastian is happily curled up against my legs on the couch. We talk about our Life Roads quite a bit, and what our plans, hopes, dreams and desires are. We have a President-Elect who oftentimes speaks of the very same topics and had burned "Yes We Can" into our hearts and minds and given our country a new-found sense of hope in the midst of much crisis.

Scott's dear grandmother passed away on Christmas Eve and we are traveling back to Illinois to bid our farewells and celebrate her long, full life with our family and friends. This will be our first trip "home" since we left last summer and has been weighing heavily upon my mind the last few hours. It seems as if we all have a sense of what "home" means and for some of us it isn't where we grew up, but the place that feels safe and familiar and one that pulls at your heartstrings each time you have a fleeting thought about it. Obviously, Chicago will always be home for Scott and I. Texas is well, Texas. We have family here and have made some very good friends, but when we start talking about our future hopes and plans and dreams, our hearts and minds go straight back to the Windy City. I am chuckling to myself as I sit her with my cup of tea and ponder what to write exactly. Some of my blogs from the spring time exhibit my desperation to leave the hustle and bustle and yuppie-ness that was, indeed, our "home". Looking back, it was making us irritable and crazy on some levels. The best thing we could have done at that point was what we actually did do~we left. For this city girl, 1000 miles, seven months, countless phone conversations with my sister -in-law and my best friend have opened my eyes to the fact that home is definitely NOT where you make it (what a dumb saying), but home is where your heart belongs and where you feel safe and at peace. You can survive living anywhere, but when you're at peace with your surroundings, you are finally at home.

If anything has been learned in this life of mine, its that above all else, peace and faith are very important. Temporary homes serve their purpose in life and are sometimes necessary to teach us perseverance, patience and temperance, but ultimately we must find our way back home on our Life Road.

Please keep Scott's father and family in your prayers through this sad time. Wishing everyone a blessed and safe New Year that will bring peace and happiness wherever you may be....in your homes.

Until again,
~Red

Life Road, Part II

As I have said in the past to you blog-readers, I am not always sure who is reading my stuff. For those of you who know me well, the Life Road blog will be further insight into my life, my choices, my family dynamic. This is a very difficult few days for me as I approach the anniversary of my mother's passing. No matter how many days, weeks and years go by, November 9 is just plain difficult. In the midst of sadness, though, I wanted to be able to share insight on death, loss, life, and choices because in the last few weeks I have known three people who suddenly passed away~its just a fact of life that we all will endure at one point or another, some more frequently than others too. So, just make your Life Road a priority and be aware of your decisions and actions. One never knows when our jobs here are done and we will be called to a greater purpose, so live and love and forgive. Daily.

Enough rambling from me for today. Funnier blogs are on the horizon, as Texas has given me a load of hilarious material!

Until again,
Red

Life Road

It seems so unreal to me at certain points in my life how quickly time passes. It just tick, tick, ticks right on without much notice until one day....whew....we have an entire list of things yet to do, another paper pile to purge, phone calls still to return, conversations that should have been had that we haven't "had time for", places to be, friends and family to see~our days don't seem to have enough hours, our weeks don't have enough days, our year is short on weeks. Time marches on...another year has passed, the holidays are fast approaching, and its almost time to resolve ourselves to a brand new year with new goals, good intentions, less stress.

Eight years ago this week, I spent days upon days in the hospital with my mother while she struggled her way to a peaceful state. During those sleepless nights and exhausting days, I learned not only about pain, suffering, death, peace, love, perseverance and joy~but also about the strength of family. I learned that time should never be taken for granted, as our days are planned out for us before we enter this earth. I learned that in death there is also life~sounds cliche, I know...this is something that we learn from Christ at an early age. But when you are holding the hand of your mother as she braves the unknown, you have to hope that there is life beyond, and when she leaves, your heart can only survive and move forward if you believe that she is indeed in a Heavenly place. The strength of family came to me through not my siblings, but in cousins that love me as a sister and took care of me when I couldn't take care of myself; who held me close and provided that shoulder to cry upon as it had never been provided so unconditionally. They let me cry, they cried with me. They held me, they also gave me space. They always knew (and still do) what to say and the exact moment to say it. My dear aunt, who still proves to be a motherly woman to me, who loved me as no one else could and understands me more than I sometimes understand myself, even now. My uncle, who in few words gave me a place to feel safe and find rest (and humored the above-mentioned women in all of their whims...in fact, he still does!). A friend that I have known my entire life, who is still my best friend to this very day. My father~whose heart broke more than any of ours the day that my mother left this earth, the very man who gives and gives and gives to and for all of his children; without him, I truly would be nothing. This does not mean that we siblings didn't grieve and share with one another~we most definitely did so. But eight different personalities don't grieve, accept, and move forward at the same pace sometimes. Part of growing and maturing is learning acceptance and practicing forgiveness, which inevitably bring about an attitude of gratitude and grace.

For some of us, family does not always mean your parents, your brother, your sister, aunts, uncles, grandparents. Sometimes our closest "family" are our friends that know us much better than those whose blood we claim to share. Maybe they are classmates from years ago, maybe they are part of your church family or friends that you work with; maybe its your husband, wife, partner, maybe it really is your brother or sister. These are the people that "get" us, that understand and manage to accept us for who we are, without judgement or suggestion. It makes sense, really, that our friends would likely love us "more"...we choose to enter each other's lives on equal ground and of solid mind; we pick one another, after all! I once had a very heated discussion with someone that was very close to me about the small number of close friends that I actually had at that time. I tried to explain that in my heart and mind, it was not about how many friends I possessed, but the bond that I shared with those friends. It was so infuriating to me that I was being asked to explain the unexplainable and to defend these extremely close bonds that I shared (and still do) and considered family. That discussion never did end in resolve, but in choosing shortly after that to go down an uncharted pathway on my Life Road, I ended up in a far different, and much more stable, loving, and peaceful place.

Being the youngest of eight children, and birthed much later than all of my siblings, I lack the closeness shared by those that grow up together. My entire life I always felt so left out in their reminiscing, their activities, their lives. Honestly, I am young enough to be the daughter of several of them, so imagine growing up in a full house, yet a lonely one. At the time, I didn't really understand the family dynamic, as most of my memories within our home just involved my brother David, who was 9 years older than me. If he were here today, I could easily say "he gets me", he always did! Even surrounding my mother as she bravely smiled at us and shared encouragement until her very last breath, I didn't realize that I had been walking around in a world almost all alone. You would assume that being in a large family one would have a constant support system, always a shoulder to cry on, a non-judgemental opinion and words of wisdom to be had. My Life Road has brought me to this day, this very moment and I no longer feel so alone, but this I credit to choices~sold, thorough choices that I made for myself in order to finally, finally be able to live in a peaceful state, surrounded by those that I choose to hold close to my heart.

Eight years have passed, almost to the day, since my mother left this world. I never knew that on the morning of November 7, when I went to cast my vote for Al Gore, that it would be the last time I would sit with my mother and chat, just like any other day. That was the day that we took her to the hospital for the last time and she left this world two days later. I certainly didn't prepare for the void~as I don't think anyone really can~and its a void that goes unfilled even now. But, my Life Road and the choices made along the way have allowed me to exude confidence and have shaped my into the woman that I have become. Recently, an old friend reminded me of a time in the third grade when my brother David came to our classroom near the end of the school year to be a shining light of encouragement and a role model; he came to tell our class about what it felt like to graduate from high school. I had forgotten all about this particular memory, until a few days ago, and in sharing some of my Life Road story with this friend, the subject of my brother and his tragic passing was discussed. My point is this: Even though we may sometimes feel that the crossroads is too much to bear, that we are overwhelmed and confused, we must always find peace in following our hearts and the will for our lives. Even that day back in 1983, David knew somehow that he would be a leader, a teacher, a student, a friend, a husband, a father, a role model. He followed through with his Life Road and his legacy exudes that fact. We all should be so motivated, dedicated, and brave to hop on our bikes without the training wheels and trust in what lies ahead.

I guess that when contemplating which way to go on the road of Life, sometimes we approach a crossroad and we have to make a decision. Contemplating that Fork isn't always easy, and sometimes it doesn't end up the way we hope for or with the people that we expect to be in our next chapter, but one thing is guaranteed~the road goes on, as time also does, and we have to keep moving forward. As I have said before, in life there will be death, but also in death, there is life.

Live a joyous, productive, and loving week ahead. Hug yourself if no one is there to hold you~smile at a stranger, call your best friend. Whisper "I love you" in the ear of your soulmate.

Until again,
Red

There (Was) a Storm a-coming...

I thought this would be the easiest way to update a vast amount of concerned friends and family as to our survival of our very first tropical storm...Ike.

Texas is a BIG state...very large, in fact! It has amazed me since I landed here that so many others have also overlooked the actual size of the 2nd largest state in the USA! For example, I recently had a request from an un-named family member who was planning a visit to a far-off west Texas town (but not El Paso...haha) and wanted to know if they "could swing by here" for a few days. Um, sure, if driving seven hours out of your way is included in swinging-on-by...please be my guest! So, in regards to Hurricane Ike, the DFW Metroplex is northwest of Galveston and Houston, and we did see a period of fairly heavy rain and some pretty hefty wind gusts (normal for this Windy City gal), but thankfully...no damage here or in the surrounding area at all. I admit it...I was somewhat giddy with anticipation to have a little weather excitement, without power failure and damage, of course, to write about and report, but alas, nothing. I have seen more weather in 30-some years of tornado watching than I did during the much anticipated arrival of Ike.

Scott is here in Texas and we have spent the last two weeks catching up, hanging out, being silly, having fun (fun that doesn't cost money, by the way!). We had a lovely Labor Day weekend with Eric, Jeni, Zach and Tom & Theresa, along with Uncle Phil and Aunt Laura, and cousin Chris. Sebastian is thrilled at his Dadder's arrival, too. We are busy making great friends, finding a church, putting Scott's clothes away...sitting by the pool, drinking wine, grilling out...its no wonder that you haven't seen any recent blogging activity from me!

The much anticipated blogs previously mentioned (some more than once) will most definitely arrive this week, so please keep on checkin'! You will more than likely notice that when they are finally posted, the dates will be changed for accuracy. I have been journaling since being without online access and my plan is to transfer my journal blogs to this blog for your reading pleasure. :)

Also~the first ever Cowgirl Music Challenge has begun! Help me to compile a list of songs that are in, about, for, in regards to, by, etc: Texas, Texans, living in TX...you get the idea. Suggestions must be legitimate, accurate, and include the artist's name as well. The most helpful helper will win a prize of my discretion, which will most certainly have something to do with Texas. ;)

Again, comments are welcome; either via this very site or private email...please let me know if you're reading. Blogging takes a significant chunk of time, and though enjoyable for me to be writing in this medium, I only will continue to do so if there is interest.

More updates coming...
Until again,
~Red