A Day to Honor National Pregnancy & Infant Loss

"The other thing I know: A broken heart is lighter when we carry it together." -Shauna Niequist

Having experienced multiple miscarriages myself and personally knowing so many women that have walked that same painful road, I think this is an important (and quick) read for everyone.

Read Shauna's blog post HERE. 

Miscarriage and infant loss is a topic that is so ever present, yet still makes us feel like we are alone in our suffering and pain because we struggle with the silence...and the "whys" and "what-ifs". Our friends, and sometimes even our families, shy away from the discussion, the tears, the hugs. It is uncomfortable. It is painful. Sometimes there are no words that feel right and loving and justifiable, so none are said at all, which can add to the already painful moments.

Let me be one to share that yes, it IS uncomfortable, but we would much rather have your silent, loving hug to acknowledge the pain than have nothing at all. The pain does subside, with occasional reminders of what might have been--the news of an unplanned pregnancy of someone you know, the birth of a child to someone who doesn't want it, your best friend having another baby after years of being "done". Yes, the pain does lessen and subside, but it never goes away completely. With faith and hope and love, strength prevails and time marches on. We find love and solace in other things: maybe we do end up having another child (and maybe we don't); perhaps our love is poured into someone or something else that brings us great joy; maybe we are given the gift of a special child that belongs to someone else but we are able to love them as our own. No matter what, I believe that God just "knows". He knows what is best and what will sustain us and He will allow us enough of whatever it is to feel a part of the journey in some way.

Ladies (and guys, too): you're not alone if you have experienced miscarriage, the loss of a child, the pain of a failed adoption, the disappointment of fertility treatments gone wrong...we share this journey. It can be lighter when we put it all into words.

On this day of remembering the losses, I love Shauna's words: "A broken heart is lighter when we carry it together."

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Let's lighten our load together.

Until again,
~Red

Homeless

How do you serve the Homeless in your city?

I have been toying with this sentence for nearly 48 hours now, unable to fully focus on “my regular stuff” with this sudden and huge burden that has been placed upon my heart. It has brought me to tears—uncontrollable, ugly crying—while researching as quickly as my fingers will type. Today’s writing may be less than eloquent and probably not even very organized but this is a life-stopping topic that needs to be brought out into the open.

The Homeless in Chicago.

In the city of Chicago alone, there were more than 116,000 homeless people in July, 2013. That number grew by 10% in just one year. ONE YEAR. Of those, 50% of that huge number are FAMILIES and nearly 19,000 are children. Whole families are on the streets and waiting for a place in a shelter, which have very long waiting lists and sometimes close up and disappear without an announcement. (All data-info gathered from lpcsonline.org and chicagohomeless.org). And, it just isn’t true that the majority of them are drug addicts and veterans. In fact, veterans are just 6% of Chicago’s homeless population and 33% of the homeless in our city have been victims of domestic violence. The children, the women, the men. There is no gender or color or race that specifies these souls. The majority of them want to work and want to feed their kids—they have not chosen this way of life.

Why am I talking about the Homeless?

Well, this confession is embarrassing and is teaching me all about grace and humility. It is one of my top three Worst Behavior Ever Stories, and not my proudest moment at all. I feel very humiliated about my own choices (ignorance, disregard), actions (or lack thereof) and behavior (awful). And, about two years ago I read a book that changed my perspective on many “life” things and I vowed at that time to never, ever fall back into my own complacency. Clearly, I need to re-read that awesome book frequently, because it ironically has quite a bit of emphasis on ministering to the Homeless and Children.  (The book I am referring to:  7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess)

This week at church, Scott and I helped out afterwards with the cleaning up of the building. Let me tell you, until you have participated in the disassembly, one could never guess just how much work happens behind the scenes. I was washing the breakfast dishes and packaging up the leftover food while Scott utilized his Sherpa-skills and biceps.  This is where Conviction slowly began to creep up on me. I was informed that the leftover food is sent home with a homeless man that has been attending and proven to be quite helpful with the set-up and take-down. My heart immediately ached at the thought of sending him on his way with a bag full of baked goods and a little leftover cream cheese. I mean, where’s the protein he needs for energy? The fruits and vegetables that we all need to keep our body’s systems nourished and balanced? Does he have a toothbrush and something clean to wear? I added a few things to my mental to-do list for next Sunday.  As I washed those last few dishes, I cried silent tears for him and Conviction grew a little more.

When we finished washing, carrying, packing and moving out all of the “stuff” that makes this our Church home, I stood there with a few others, talking and sort of impatiently waiting for Scott to come back with the car because I was hungry and I wanted to get outside into the sunshine and get on with my day. Yes, Conviction disappeared for those ten minutes when all I could think about was my stomach and getting somewhere in time to watch the Hawks game. And, as my stomach growled, I found myself standing next to this man and I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING OTHER THAN HELLO to him. Really. (I told you this is by far my very least-proud moment in life.) An opportunity to ask him about himself. To witness. To offer a hug and a smile and an encouraging word. Nothing at all came out of my mouth, which (if you know me well) is definitely not my normal behavior.

Guess what happened next?

Someone brought him to lunch with us. Before you begin to think that I redeemed myself, I did not. Nope…it was someone else, and, although Conviction was poking at me all throughout our meal, I still said nothing to him. I asked about him, but I didn’t talk to him. I didn’t sit with him to find out his story. I didn’t embrace him in a big hug as my brother in Christ. In fact, I don’t even know if he knows Jesus. I did absolutely nothing…except spend the last 48 hours of my life crying tears caused by a burden laid so heavily upon my heart, tears of regret and conviction and anger at myself for not modeling what I know to be true and right and good.  It is a big dose of shame and guilt and Conviction is 100% present and working quickly in my heart and mind.

Can we save the Homeless?

I don’t know, but I would like to think that if each one of us took the time and spent what we do on one Starbucks a few times a week and instead put it towards efforts to assist, feed, clothe and shelter this tribe, then it seems like the answer could be YES. It should be YES.  Conviction is a true feeling and can show up when least expected. It can be ignored, but only for so long. As I have prayed and read and pondered, I realize that my takeaway from this experience is this:

The Homeless are my Ministry.

I’ve known it for quite some time. A really long time, actually.  It began in my early twenties when I first started exploring Chicago and then decided to move here. Today, those memories began almost 20 years ago…clearly I am a walking poster for dodging Conviction during the different paths of my sometimes selfish life. (Insert another dose of shame here.) I’ve always carried a burden for those less fortunate—especially the children—and it is time to do something about it. I realize that I can’t singlehandedly change the lives of over 100,000 people in my city. BUT I CAN start a small movement to include: volunteering, feeding and clothing those in my neighborhood. A small ripple of hope has the potential to turn into a tidal wave of giving, loving and serving and that is something that I can do right now in this very moment.

And Now What Happens?

There are so many ways to offer assistance to the Homeless in our city (and if you are reading from elsewhere in the world…your city has resources too, I promise).  Obviously food and shelter are necessary and important, and those things cost money.  I challenge you to save your coffee and lunch money for a week and then donate it to a shelter in your neighborhood.  Chicago has several and the Chicago Coalition for the Homeless is a good place to start. (http://www.chicagohomeless.org) The Lincoln Park Community Shelter is also another fantastic resource (http://www.lpcsonline.org/) and does a great job at listing out their exact needs. The Greater Chicago Food Depository (http://www.chicagosfoodbank.org) also has helpful resources if you’re looking for a place to start and not quite sure how to help.

In the book of Hebrews, it is written, “Let brotherly love continue. Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” (Heb. 12:1-2, KJV)

And so we begin.

Who wants to join me?

Until again,

Red